I'm still here...

I've learned so much these past few months.
I can't even believe it's been 3.5 mos since the 'nightmare', but it has.

The joy that this fills me w/ is so peaceful.

I am still growing every day in my relationship w/ Christ, my Savior.

I've gone from feeling utterly dejected, rejected, worthless & disposable, to realizing my value IN CHRIST. I have been even more reassured of how much my life DOES mean to Christ. He cried w/ me, ached w/ me & rejoiced w/ me @ each tiny triumph & victory.

All the while, showing me that HE was in control.

My marraige did not restore itself, neither did things take such a drastic turn by any will of mine. Over & over again, God showed me how totally impossible this situation was & yet...?? Here we are. Together again.

We are doing a 28 day fast, @ church. I am fasting sugar & sweet desserts. It's been harder than I thought it would be. I am excited to see what God is going to do within this month. I am excited to see the 'breakthroughs' that will happen.

Personally, it's been a real challenge, to NOT feel like I HAVE to take care of myself. I know I've been disappointed so many times & have this underlying feeling that I will NOT be taken care of by anyone, therefore I can only depend on myself. I want to release that & fully rely on God. I can do it sometimes & I've seen him woork in amazing & unbelieveable ways....but can I release EVERYTHING when I have the option to DO something?

That is where I am right now.

On day ONE of fasting, DH lost his job.....he doesn't have a repalcement yet. Only 18 more days & our rent is due again. What will I do then? Can I relase all ideas of 'control' & give this all to God?

It's a challenge to be sure.

I am excited to see what God is going to do.

As of today, I feel I am prepared for whatever God has in mind...maybe we will be 'camping' come this time next month. I have NO idea. But I am ready to embrace the adventure. @ least I THINK I am. lol