Dull or Bright light?

The lightbulb in our laundry-slash-dog's room recently burned out. Ds changed it & boy was it suddenly BRIGHT in there! & I mean BRIGHT!

That room is right behind the kitchen on your way to the back yard. I hate the way my kitchen looks @ night. It looks dull & DINGY to be precise. At first I thought it was dirt, on the walls, cupboards ect. SO I scrubbed & scrubbed but it still looked 'dingy'. Then I figured it must have been a 'dingy' paint color but it doens't look as 'dingy' in the daylight. Then after changing that lightbulb...I have come to another conclusion....

It's the lightbulb!

The lightbulb is dim & dingy.....OR.....the cover is dirty & is causing the light that is trying to shine through it to appear dingy.

Either way, this is what I realized.....@ any time my light (which should really be Jesus' light) can become 'dingy'. Maybe I have let 'dirt' & 'grime' build up on or around me, thus dimming my light. Have I? Have you? Think about it.

Is the paint (the people around us) actually dingy OR is it just the reflection of my dingy light? Am I not shining as bright as I could be? Have I let myself go & maybe I need some cleaning up? Why should I let my dirt hold back the light?

Or do I need something to refresh me & give energy back to my light? Am I too busy trying to scrub what is around me (like my cupboards) when really it is me that needs the scrubbing to get the light to shine as bright as it once was?

I realized there was never anything wrong w/ my kitchen...it was just the light that was the problem.

I for one have heard this lesson loud & clear...I am going to make sure I maintain MY light this year & shine as bright as possible.

Dear God....

We need to have a little chat.

Ok, you know how stressed out I get about finances. I know you know. And the fact that YOU know...well it make me wonder WHY I keep getting stressed, or rather why there are continuous situations that cause me stress.

For example, my H pay plan. I know I married a (as Debi Pearl would call him) 'Mr. Visionary'...to a 'T'. And I love that man. But I never realized how important regularly scheduled income would be. I had NO idea.

It doesn't seem to stop regular bills though. I know that you promised to meet all of our needs & I KNOW you have heard me cry out to you many a time. But is it too much to ask/request that you fill me in on your plans once in awhile?

For example, YESTERDAY. It was payday....again.

I was EXTREMELY stressed out for some MYSTERIOUS reason. (hint, hint) And I was SURE that H pay check would just NOT be enough for the regualr bills. I was just so sure & worried & had visions of us NOT being able to pay the rent this month.

I tried not to let it get to me. I did not get upset...but I was trying to put on a calm outside although my insides were literally full of knots. Seriously, I couldn't even eat...but I made up for that later. ;)

As I was thinking about one of my New Years "Resolutions", if you want to call it that, of truly giving our budget over to YOU....I was also trying to 'make a plan', a 'financial plan', to avoid these VERY uncomfortable feelings in the future. IS that wrong?

I mean is it wrong for me to 'make the plan' if I already gave it to you? See...that's where *I* think it would be an EXCELLENT idea for you to fill me in on YOUR plan.....kwim?

So I was really quite surprised when I actually SAW H paycheck when we finally got it. It appears to be MORE than enough. ( I mean than regularly scheduled) I was truly SHOCKED. I certainly don't deserve such grace. I know that. & I know that YOU know that & you know that I know that.

And me knowing ahead of time, I guess really couldn't make much of a difference now would it? BUT it could possibly relieve some of my anxiety you know.

I don't know...do you & H have a conspiracy going or something? Because HE never seems to be worried about the bills much less much of anything else for that matter. Are you gaining up on me?

I do have to add that I was quite BLESSED to see that ALL of H hard work last month REALLY paid off. It would have been so disappointing if he would have put in all those late & long hours for a 'lower than enough' check.

I know, I know, your timing is perfect & your provision sufficient...but I'm only asking for a clue, you know, a hint maybe.

Well, yes, you have ALWAYS provided in the past & I have NO reason to worry, since we've never been homeless in the past--but we've been close-but your right, 'close' is NOT homeless. And I know that I am the first to acknowledge that YOU have ALWAYS been faithful & generous. No I can't argue w/ that. I know you love me & I appreciate your sense of humor about all of this, really. Oh sure, it's very funny I bet, to see me squirm, when really I should know by now that I have no reason too.

Yes, & I do understnad what a waste of time it is to fret when I have so much proof that there is NO need too.

Ok, Ok, I get the point. Please don't take this to mean that I am not greatful, because I am. You know that right? Yah, of course you do.

Well, in case I didn't tell you already, thank you. I really mean that. :o)