God doesn't need ME!

The past few weeks I have been 'helping/ministering', whatever you want to call it, to a homeless couple. H wasn't particularly supportive of my efforts. He 'let me' do it though.

Last week we actually got into an arguement over it & he wanted me to discontinue my efforts. I strongly disagreed w/ him & struggled to submit. Although begrudgingly, I did as he wanted. I began to reflect on the situation from his point of view & step back emotionally from the situation.

I was very concerned for the couple but I began to see how emotionally attached I had become. TOO attached. I submitted to H wishes, although I was still very concerned for their well-being. The female half of the couple is about 5 months pg.

Well, she knocked @ the door yesterday to see if we had any recycleables. I gave her what I had but did not invite her in or offer much conversation. I have been sick anyways & let her know. She looked happy & excited. She told me that the day before, a guy had pulled up to them, while they were recycling, & said that the Lord put it on his heart to give this to them, & he proceeded to give them some cash. When they unfolded it later they realized it was $100.

They stayed in a motel & were able to get cleaned up that night. Then another guy was kinda staring @ her & driving by & finally stopped. She asked him what he wanted & he said he was concerned because he noticed she was pregnant & wanted to make sure she had eaten, he also gave them some $$$ to get something to eat.

I was blessed that she shared this w/ me because it confirmed that to me that I did the RIGHT thing by submitting to H in this area. It reminded me that MY job is to submit to H & God will bless that. God can do HIS job & HIS will w/o ME! lol HE will provide when He wants too...He does not need ME to do it for him. Especially if it means for me to dishonor my H. :o)

By me stepping back, God was able to allow someone else to minister to this couple in the name of Jesus, even.

It also challenged my faith. If *I* was not helping them...did I have faith that God would? This incident confirmed that God will have HIS will be done, regardless if it invovles me or not. IT wasn't about *me*...but I had made it that way.

By me stepping back, I was also stepping out in faith that GOD would provide for their needs even if *I* wasn't.

What are you holding on to?

Not long ago, I found an nasty letter that was written to me YEARS ago. It was an angry, mean & threatening letter.

I had forgotten all about it & the incident it was referring to. I wondered for a moment WHY I had even saved it. I also remembered that I had found it even earlier & saved it back then.

WHY would anyone save something that would remind them of a bad time? I know exactly why. I was holding onto that letter as a grudge. I wanted to somehow feel validated or to have proof of how *I* had been wronged. How WRONG this person was for writing this to me.

By holding onto that, I was putting myself in the victim mode. I was keeping myself as the victim & trying to lift myself up as a martyr. It's a very evil thought process.

I decided to 'let it go' once & for all. I physically threw the letter away. Hoping never to be reminded again. Noone would ever find this letter. Noone else would ever know how *I* was 'wronged'.

I believe this is how God wants me all to deal w/ trangressions against me. To 'let them go'. Forgive & forget. Somethings are easier to forget than others, true. But that does not give me liscence not to try.

How many 'incidents' am I holding onto? Am I measuring my self-worth or value by the # of times I have been 'wronged'. Am I holding onto some righteous indignation?

I Corinthians 13: 5b Love......keeps no record of wrongs......

Peer Pressure is NOT just for teens!

So many times we think of peer pressure as something only teenagers deal with. NOT so!

I recently realized how much peer pressure we are faced w/ everyday from every angle, young & old. For example, I normally avoid the mall. I usually don't have extra cash to burn so there is no point for me to enter the mall. I used to go just to walk around & window shop but would then leave feeling sad or bad about all the wonderful things I could not afford to buy. I realized that these window shopping trips left me w/ a feeling of discontentment.

Now I have taken that new found wisdom & tempered it for other things as well. Such as conversations. It is so easy for us to compare our lives to the lives of our friends & family. I am normally a pretty easy going, laid back person & wife. I try to 'roll w/ the punches' most days.

I believe God has hand-picked our children & spouses just for us to be evenly & perfectly matched w/, according to our needs & desires. Every couple has their own way of doing things & ways of relating to each other.

When hearing about 'other' couples ways of doing things, I noticed I was starting to get prideful about myself & disgruntled towards my H & the way we usually do things. The way that had been working for us, suddenly didn't seem good enough anymore. So & so's spouse does this & so & so's spouse does that.

In my heart was breeding a spirit of discontentment & ungratefulness. I realized it & checked myself quickly before it really took root. It is so important for us to temper the things we say to each other & the things we listen to from others. It is so easy for thoughts to be planted that can stir up bad attitudes.

We must keep our guard up to be aware of these trappings. Don't fall into them. Keep your armor on @ all times. Just because we are 'mature adults' does not mean that we are immune to Peer Pressure.

Busted!

Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the Lord, and he will deliver you. Prov. 20:22

This was the verse in my daily reading yesterday. I didn't think much of it.......until I remembered I had been toying w/ the idea of a minor revenge tactic. If you knew what it was you would laugh your head off because it was so petty in comparison of what it was in revenge for.

I kept thinking I somehow DESERVED to do it. Kept thinking it really wouldn't hurt anyone except for possibly cause a minor inconvenience. I was plotting & scheming, I admit.

I was justifying all the reason WHY this would be an ok thing to do. Some would even consider it humorous!

Then today I remembered THIS verse from yesterday morning.

NO denying...revenge is never OUR right nor duty.

Does anyone else.....

learn life lessons while scrubbing things? Oh, that's what I thought.

I have an O'keefe & Merritt stove. I guess it could be considered 'antique' or @ least kinda cool. I got it from a friend who was given a 'new' stove. All I cared about was that it 'worked'.

It was a bit grimy, she had 'inherited' it from someone else too. I didn't mind the grime all that much since I knew I wasn't the one who created it. It could be called shabby but hey, it's an O'Keefe & Merritt! It is actually worth something @ best & worth a little something @ worst.

One day, when I was doing a surface cleaning of it like I usually do. I decided to go gung ho & degrease the entire thing. By the time I was finished that thing looked like new. (ok, well not totally but it was VERY white & shiny!) I had never thought to do that before because: that was the way it came, it wasn't MY mess to clean up & it worked, what did I care if it was sparkling?

But now, it was MORE valuable since I put more work into it. I had never considered it before & had even entertained the idea of getting a new one, if I could ever afford it. It had been losing it's charm over the years.

After all was said & done, I realized that many of our relationships, primarily our marital ones, are very much like this stove. (Nooooo, I am NOT calling my H an oven, although he is pretty hot! ;) )

For example, when we first get married, our H or spouse, come to us w/ their own 'grime' left over from where they came from & how they were raised. It doesn't bother us too much @ first because we didn't create that mess & it kinda adds to thier charm right? And we feel no obligation to help clean it up.

After awhile, we start adding to it. H seems to get grimier & grimier, we become disatisfied & possibly entertain ideas of getting a 'new' one even though this one 'works fine'.

BUT if, like my oven, we put a bit of muscle into it, if we CARE enough to do it, our H or relationship, will again start to sparkle & shine. Their value will be restored & even increased. They will appeal to us again as they once did.

Are you willing to help remove that grime? Do you care enough too? Or you just gonna toss out the old & bring in the new?

I'm not 'antique' but I could be 'vintage' & I've got the grime to prove it, but I am so glad that Jesus is willing to put in the time & effort to wipe it away & allow me to sparkle again!

I am always SO surprised....

by NICE people. really.

I am not sure why but I always wonder: WHY would someone want to be nice to me? kwim?

We have been really blessed by some friends from church. So helpful & ready & willing to truly excercise the love of God. To practice God's love NOT just 'talk' about it.

I cannot begin to describe how much this touches NOT only my heart but all the way to the core of my soul.

I *THINK* this may be just a taste of what my H feels towards me & the grace I have shown him within our marriage. Something that I rarely give a second thought too but I know touches him deeply.

We are not only given 'advice' & 'prayer' which are always things to be appreciated & are, but also tangible gifts. Useful gifts.

*sniff sniff* happy tears!

I truly hope that I can be of service to another in the same way someday.
I hope that MY life will be a blessing to someone.

Words, words, words

Proverbs 18:20-21
From the fruit of his mouth a man's stomach is filled; with the harvest from his lips he is satisfied. The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat his fruit.

Considering, I am, obviously a word lover...this 'proverb for the day' REALLY grabbed my attention. Also when you consider the fact that women have a need to use almost 3x as many words than men per day.....

Am I producing bitter fruit w/ my words? Or can the fruit of my mouth be used to satisfy others? to minister others? to feed others?

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, QUIT looking @ me!!!

You ever meet someone so similar in personality to yourself that @ first you just LOVE it & them to pieces. You figure that FINALLY you have met someone that really UNDERSTANDS your POV, thinks like you, analyzes things like you ect.

But then....you also start to see that they possess some of the same weaknesses as you. Except you can only recognize it because you have grown past them. You have realized how immature that line of thinking or judgemental attitude was. You cringe when you recognize it within a friend. At least I do.

What do you do? Can you confront another in love? Will they even listen? I think it depends on what YOU would do when you were @ that point in your life. When I was 'like that' would I have listened if someone told me I was wrong? I can honestly say it would have depended on how strongly I held my opinion to begin w/. kwim?

I can look back & w/ shame remember when I was too hard on someone but so sure I was RIGHT. And sometimes I may have been. But the problem was, back then, I cared more about being right then not. Although I never would have recognized it. I thought by proving I was right, I WAS being 'loving'. I was sharing 'in love'.

I have also realized that I was also wrong on many things too.

Other times I was actually naively ignorant. I didn't realize that I basically, was talking out of my bu++! Now after a few more years of crows feet, heartaches & stretch marks under my belt, I can see things much more clearly. LOL

I have a slower tongue, choose my battles & sometimes actually remain QUIET! {gasp}.

I hope that will be the case for my friend. I hope the lesson can be learned before it's too late. Words can wound, whether we realize it or not. Those wounds are not just for the person we focused them towards but also will pierce our heart when that realization comes that you are the one responsible for the wound of another's heart.

My DD almost drowned today!

It's exactly like they say on all those summer public service announcements: it all happened w/ in a split second & there was NO noise.

All the children had gotten out of the pool. Sam & liberty took their floaties off. We were all on the deck starting to get snacks & drinks ect. I turned & saw Liberty IN the center of the jacuzzi, w/ her hands up, going under & under, she could NOT touch.

Immediately, I yelled her name & ran & jumped in & grabbed her. I was fully clothed & I even jumped in w/ my flip-flops. She was calm but you could see the fear in her eyes & relief when I pulled her out. She was not sputtering, she had held her breath. She was quiet. NO crying, no talking or anything. Just quiet.

I hugged her & held her tight, wrapped her in a warm dry towel & thought: I NEVER wanted to let her go again! I felt like crying afterwards, the stress you know. But I didn't. I just held her for a long time. Said quite a few verbal Thank you to God & His angels for watching my girl.

Everyone 'Amened' to that!

It's so easy to take everyday for granted. The truth is that we don't know when our final day is gonna be. God does & I know he has it all pre-planned but I am very grateful that for my dd, it was NOT today. God took the time to remind me today, again, how important these days are.

How UNimportant it was this morning to fight w/ my little daughter to get her hair brushed just right. How UNimportant it is to rush her out the door to get to a bar-b-que. How UNimportant it is to get upset over a messy bedroom.

AND how IMPORTANT it is to hug my child a little longer today. How important it is to hold her close when she was cold but didn't want to change out of her dress. How important it was to make sure my son had a little extra chocolate cake, even if we were on our way out the door.

Nothing like a good ol' scare to whip those priorities into shape hanh?

I didn't even mind sitting around in wet jeans afterwards either.