Precious Alice

Recently I saw the movies Precious and Alice in Wonderland.  Precious is not a movie I would normally watch, given the content but the main actress was nominated for an academy award.  Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland....well who could resist?

First I must say, Precious is a very *hard* movie, hard to watch, hard to listen to, very hard. period.  I do not recommend viewing it if you have ever had any experience with physical, sexual or any type of abuse.

Alice, if you are familiar with the classic tale, is a fantastical journey through an imaginary place.  I loved the costumes but it was given a Tim Burton twist so I can't say there was much more about it.  Take it or leave it.

I realized that both of these movies actually have very much in common.  Both feature a female as the main character.  One, Precious, it told only negative things her entire life.  She has a very nice name, the word precious, but she is treated as anything BUT 'precious'.  Ironic?  She is severely abused, told she is worthless and stupid.  For her, it is her identity--her identity is that she is 'nothing'.

Alice enters wonderland and is immediately questioned whether or not she is THEE Alice.  The Alice they are looking for is supposed to do something 'great'.  Alice insists she is Alice, just not that Alice.  There are a few that insist she is that Alice and others that insist she is not that Alice. 

Both these heroines, in both these stories, journey toward finding their true identities.

Precious does not believe she is anything more than what she has been told her whole life: nothing.  For her, it was through education that she begins to discover she was something more.  Alice, in denial that she could be anything more,  chooses to run away from who she was destined to be.  That very choice, leads her right to her very purpose, thus becoming her destiny after all.

How many of us are destined for more?  How many us find it unfathomable that we could be anything more than we are today, or yesterday? Why wouldn't you be destined for greatness? Why are we afraid to become more? Alice wanted something more but was too afraid to find out what that was.  She ran away from the possibilities until she truly had no other choice, thus becoming exactly who she was running away from, afraid of being.  Let go of fear!

Precious, well, she had no idea she could even be something more.  Others encouraged her.  Others came along side her and helped her to see the truth, she could learn, she was worth teaching.  She was not 'stupid'.  Sometimes God puts other people in our lives that will encourage us to reach our full potential in Christ.  Maybe you are one of those people that encourages others. 

Other times, like Precious, we have no idea our identity is anything more than what others perceive it to be.  It's can be scary to realize you are not what you thought you were....you are something more.  

What will you do when you realize you are MORE?  When you know WHO you are, WHAT will you DO? 

The Cocoon

Did you know that when a butterfly is in a cocoon and begins to emerge, it *must* fight it's way out on it's own. If you 'help' it, it will not have enough strength to fly away.


You see, the struggle, to emerge from the cocoon, to free itself from it's ugly black covering, is the exact thing it needs to get it's blood pumping into it's wings. The struggle is what strengthens it enough to flap those wings and fly away. No one can help and if they do, they will actually harm more than help. If the butterfly is not strong enough to fly away, it will starve and die.
Many times we experience those moments in our lives. Sometimes we may not even realize it. Does the butterfly know it's in a cocoon? I don't know. Maybe we don't want change and we fight against it. That very fight, that strength of will, is the very thing that is going to enable us to come out and fly away.


Fly away towards the path God has intended. Fly away from a wounded past that has been holding us back. Fly away for a better view of the world around us. The thing is, no one can help us out of the cocoon. And we can't help another out of their cocoon either. They must fight their way out on their own, lest they lose the ability to build the strength they need. It may feel lonely but it has it's purpose, to build endurance, to build life.


Maybe we do want change and we are fighting to speed up the process. We want OUT and we want out NOW. Are we fully developed enough yet though? Can you hurry change? Has a butterfly ever rushed to escape it's cocoon? If it did would it emerge, perhaps, with only a partial wing? I don't believe a flying creature will be able to fly very well with a partial wing.


The end result of the process will be nice. Don't we all want to be butterflies? Perhaps not. What if we are called to fly away, to use our wings? Will we be leaving behind some dearly beloved caterpillars? That is a fear. A valid fear? Does the butterfly emerge and look back as it flies away? Does it long to be back in the ugly cocoon? I really don't think so.


I imagine, once it feels the freedom, the release from the captivity of that dark cocoon, all fear is gone. All that is felt is the rush of the blood pumping, admiration of the new view, no more looking at dirt all day.

Change can be hard. It can be scary. I think it's ok to struggle with it. We can be afraid of change, it's a challenge. I believe the struggle IS the key component. The butterfly would never emerge as a butterfly, not a living one anyway, if it did not struggle.

Long Term Investments

It's no secret that we are living in a very fast paced, technologically advanced age.  Our kids have no idea what it is to wait to purchase an album when they can get any song in virtually seconds, online. Saving up to buy something? Why? With instant credit.

How impatient do we get when our DSL takes a more than a few seconds to upload a page. We can be contacted at any given moment via cell phone, instant messages, instant email, instant pictures, instant updates.....most everything is immediate & if it is *not*...Yikes!

I'm not writing anything new or that you don't already know.

However, this is all man's timing. Our technology and pace of life may have changed but the truth is God's has not. A tree takes the same amount of time to mature today, as it did 2000 years ago. A baby still takes about 9 months to fully mature to birth. Flowers are not produced instantaneously, they must all start from seeds. Fruit still grows on trees.

God has not changed his timing. We are under His concept of time, not ours.  We can get so rushed sometimes and feel frustrated when we do not see instant results; in ministry, in our personal lives, relationships, in answers. Right? Are we expecting instant messages form God? How hard is it for us to pray and WAIT for an answer? How long are we willing to wait, if we even do.

John the Baptist, I have decided, is my Biblical hero. I love everything I have read about him from the Bible. But I think more of his mother. Elizabeth and Mary both were humbled and blessed to give birth to John and the Messiah himself.

Promises were given to them, about the children they carried in their womb but how long before their mission was actually fulfilled. We know Christ did not begin his ministry until he was 30 years old. 3 years later he was dead. How long Mary herself, had to wait, and I imagine, pray over her child, to see his mission and purpose fulfilled.

Elizabeth, how long she waited (and possibly given up hope) to have a child of her own and then to see his purpose fulfilled. Which then fulfilled their own very purpose..to raise up these men.

It can be easy to feel discouraged when we are not seeing immediate results. I challenge myself and anyone else who may read this to take time to wait. Wait for the investment pay off. Obedient children aren't born, they are raised. You don't wake up and run a marathon in one day. You must train for it.

The same goes for ministry or answers to prayer. Keep on keeping on. I believe the results of most of our efforts pay out in years. Don't stop praying. Don't give up. Don't stop training. Personally, I am beginning to see results of a vision I was given over 10 years ago! I can barely believe it myself. I didn't even believe it was possible when I first got the idea but it's happening. And it's quite possible if I had stayed the course from the beginning, it may have happened even sooner.

Remember, everything you do for the kingdom, is a LONG TERM INVESTMENT. The return may not be immediate. But it will be everlasting.

Let Freedom RING!

Today is Independence Day! yes.

I realize that I have a few hidden parts of my life that keep me from being truly free. Free from the past. Free from reminders. Free from pain.

I decided to make a choice. I let it go. For me, it was a physical act of deleting a few things I was purposely holding onto. Why? I'm not sure exactly....a feeling of jic...

Then who was my trust really in? revenge? myself? Certainly not God if I was choosing to hold onto something *else*. Holding onto the past...today I choose to move forward & grab onto the *future*.
:-D

So today...I let it go.

delete. Delete. DELETE!!!

Goodbye forever!
& Good riddance.

Free at last, free at last. Thank the Lord I'm free at last!

Joseph was nothing special

Many times, I think, as Christians we have (or others have) some special power that allows us to handle trials & hard times *better*. As if simply because we ARE Christians, trials are NOT that hard for us.

I completely disagree. I really learned a lot from Joseph recently. In my Bible readings the past few months I have really began to see how *human* we all are. Joseph was no different. A true man of God but he still wept, grieved & had hard times.

His brothers plot to *kill* him. WHO would not feel rejected & alone in a family like that? They end up selling him as a slave. How alone & scared he must've felt. Eventually he ends up in running a high ranking officials home. He is in entrusted & in charge of *everything*. It may appear @ first that he is living the *high life* & has no reason to complain, right? But he is still a *Servant*, which is proven when Potiphar's Wife tries to seduce him & he being a man of God refuses her advances & literally RUNS away.

She accuses him of impropriety & what happens to all that trust Potiphar had given him? Immediately it is shown that Potiphar's loyalty lies w/ his scheming wife. Where is justice? Joseph is now in jail for a crime he did not commit. Because he knew God are we to assume his life in jail was any better than the other prisoners? That it was not hard? That he did not miss his family because he was living in a rich man's house prior?

He finds favor even while in jail--but let's face it---it's JAIL! Eventually he is reinstated to a high position again. There is a famine in the land. It's been *years* since he's seen his family. Years.

I imagine he still thought about them, even though it is not mentioned.
What is mentioned & stood out to me, was how he reacted when he did see his family again.

They came seeking help because of the famine. When Joseph actually saw them---he did not immediately reveal who he was. They did not recognize him. So many times he looked @ them, then turned his back & wept in private. Why was he crying? I imagine all those years, he thought he would just not think about it. He would *move on* w/ his life...put the past behind him...right?

Like we try to do so many times & w/ so many issues in our own lives. Joseph was a man of God true. But he was not w/o pain, suffering, betrayal, abandonment & GRIEF! When he saw his brothers--imagine all that pain rushing back into his heart. All those memories that he may have thought he had forgotten & *gotten over*. IF so then why was he crying? Why did he keep his identity a secret from them?

I *think* it was because he was so confused. Torn between wanting vengeance & justice & feeling that longing to be part of his family again. All those issues resurfacing---even YEARS later!

I don't believe God expects us to not feel sorrow & pain over offenses. I believe he knows how we feel. He wants to heal us but we need to acknowledge that we experience disappointment, sometimes major, within our lives. But He, in his infinite wisdom knows how to gently lead us to the path of forgiveness, restoration & reconciliation. Eventually Joseph reconciles w/ his brothers & father. He forgives them, treats them very well & renews some form of relationship w/ them.

It is not immediate though. He did not deny, to himself, what they had done. He did not rush to them & embrace them as brothers. He messed w/ them a bit, actually.

Forgiveness, IMO, does not mean we need to deny offenses we have endured or experienced. I don't believe it even happens over night. I believe it is a process. There is a wide range of emotions & feelings to sort out after we have been mistreated. There is no shame in that.

But we can trust God to work those things out within us. I don't believe we can do it on our own. I think the first step is admitting how painful or hurt we are. & trusting God to work out the details within our hearts. He can create a sense/spirit of forgiveness within our souls. Some offenses are easier to forgive then others. Some take less time to process & *get over*.

But none the less, we need not deny when we have been abuse & hurt.

IMO

Loving the UNloveable

Through out my life I've heard numerous sermons on loving the unlovable. Most often the example has been given of people loving dirty, homeless people. EEEwwwweeee yuck! right?

But I am realizing it's EASY to love a homeless person. Give them some $$$, or some food, smile & send them on their merry way. That's loving them right? If you're brave enough, give them a hug. Seems easy enough to me.

But you know what...I am realizing it's much more & much harder than *that*!

It's the people IN your actual life, that you must deal w/ maybe cause they are members of your very own family that continuously rub you the wrong way. kwim?

Those are the people that I am finding the most challenging to *love*! It's ridiculous but true.

You expect something from family members. You expect certain behaviors, be honest. You expect consideration, graciousness, mutual respect. Sometimes you don't get any of that though. Instead you get crazy, immature, disappointing behavior that leads yout o want *nothing* to do w/ these people EVER again---but they are *family*!!!

HOW to love those unloveable people we can *not* get away form. Theya re not some stranger we can give a bottle of water to & bless as they go along thier way & we never see again. They are IN thier lives, prechosen by God to be relatives. You did not choose them & perhaps if you had been given the choice, you would NOT have chosen them. lol God has though.

Where is *that* sermon about loving the unloveable? Loving the hard to love that you must see & interact w/ on a regular basis.

That is my current challenge/struggle. I plan to rise to it though, by the Grace of God within me....

I feel SO blessed.

When things are going *well*.

But what about if things are not? Am I not blessed when they are not?

I was visiting w/ a friend recently & sharing how I feel *so* special, like *extra* special because I feel *so* blessed...then I wake up today to realize some things that I thought are really not.

$$$ is still an issue & reality when your DH is unemployed. It's bad enough we cannot fulfill our debts & financial obligations @ this time, but then to realize that some things I thought we could pay, we are unable. It's disappointing.

Did God let me down?
Was I wrong in saying He was providing for my needs?
Did *I* do something wrong?
Was I frivolous or did I mismanage?

No.

The reality is I'm still in the storm, the eye of it. But God has not left my side, nor does it mean I am no longer blessed.

I merely need to look around me & see the abundance within my life, even during time of need.
Stick to the truth, ignore the lies of the enemy.

I have plenty of food & a nice roof over my head. I don't mean that as : @ least I have those things, I mean it sincerely.

We live in a pretty nice house considering the economy & the rent is ridiculously cheap for what we have & our area.

My DH is unemployed & yet most would *never* know it if I did not tell them. I don't have to walk around looking sorrowful & sad. I can walk w/ my head held high, a spring in my step & joy in my heart. How can I rejoice in my humility?

Isn't that what we are supposed to do? Rejoice through all times? Count it all joy when you encounter trials & tribulations?
Am I supposed to *look poor*?
Am I to feel bad or guilty cause I know I am blessed?
Not any more than those w/ well paying jobs & secure incomes who are also striving to follow the Lord's leading in their lives & are also blessed.

I am humbled. Who am I that the Lord would see to bless *me*?
Do I deserve to be blessed any more or less then the next?

I think the *real* question is: What do I do w/ this?
What *can* I do w/ this?

For example, I do not really have to worry about my food budget right now.
I don't have any extra cash but I do have cupboards over-flowing w/ food. So I find ways to minister & contribute food items. It's what I have...I could prolly do more.

I sometimes think because my DH is unemployed my family & I must *appear* down & out. Do I really need to have my children wear shoes w/ holes? Or clothes w/ holes?

Is that the God I serve?
There may be times when he calls a person or family to specifically do just that...but when I look to His word, I see the verses about how He clothes the lilies of the fields, & commands to specifically NOT worry about what we will eat & what we will wear, because He cares & He will provide.

Also, because when we realize what is truly important, our relationship w/ Him, those things do not matter. I am learning each & every day, to pray for each & every thing I consider a need.

It is amazing what has been happening within my life in that regard.

Even something as simple as my challenging maternity wardrobe. I could make due w/ what I have...a couple pairs of maternity pants & shirts. It might get boring after awhile but it's comfortable & good enough. I did not whine, I did not complain (ok I might have whined once to DH but he was teasing me about wearing a 'good year' shirt! lol). Then what happens? A friend, w/o knowing my frustration, brings me a BOX of maternity wear. I'm talking NICE stuff. I have more pairs of maternity pants then I even know what to do w/.

My youngest son was feeling like he needed new shoes. Offering to save his *own* money for them, even. I told him he didn't need to do that...but to pray & ask God first. Next thing I know, his nana is commenting that he needs shoes & gave him $$$$ specifically for that, & for his siblings as well.

One of our cars just broke down, quite unexpectedly. I'm learning though. I didn't have that familiar sinking feeling of despair. I just thought, bummer, I'll pray about that & petition God about it & we'll see what happens. PTL we still have another car that God just provided much needed new brakes for & handled the registration for us too.

Sometimes God uses others to provide for these needs. A few times it has literally been a check in the mail, NOT from private donors either. Totally unexpected windfalls.

Like the Manna I wrote about before....God provides just enough for our immediate need. I keep thinking I need to *save*, jic. Just in case what? My desire to *save* is really, for me, a lack of trust. Like the Israelites....but God has not told me to save & there has been NO opportunity. No doubt there is a time & place for that & to be financially prudent.

But for this time in my life, it's been about trusting God fully and literally day to day.

And *that* has made all the difference.